For the better part of my 20s, I battled with depression and a lot of its fallouts. There were so many irrational decisions and behaviours that consisted that period of my life and it has taken 6 months of therapy (over a year ago) for me to come to my personal realization that the sooner one seeks help regarding their particular mental condition the better.
I am not here to tell you that I live with regret or shame. Far from it, the experiences I have gathered while dealing with my mental illness have helped make me a bit more empathic in dealing with other people and situations. It has made me deliberate when making decisions when viewing another person’s seeming irrationality or selfishness because, in some way or form, I have been there.
I don’t know how to properly talk about my depression without addressing certain things I am still not comfortable going into detail about, but it quite honestly took me several years to be willing enough to admit I needed therapy despite the telltale signs of falling into multiple bouts of depression. I recall the experiences of loss of interest, the bouts of melancholy, the despair, and my many attempts at numbing it all away with alcohol.
Therapy revealed to me how my triggers worked, how the memory associations caused me to relive repressed trauma, and why my refusal to address these things had finally created a tsunami of overwhelming pressure that I could not continue to run away from or repress.
I recall being helpless and angry when friends said things like “It is because you don’t pray.” When I made attempts at expressing my condition, I forgive them wholeheartedly because quite honestly, they didn’t know better. I remember feeling less than adequate because I was too weak to hold myself to my own standards so I found myself measuring myself against others. People I had no business comparing myself to, innocent and hardworking people who had their own distinct lives, goals, standards and challenges.
It has been a slow walk, and sometimes a crawl, to some appreciable standard of mental health. There are days when I genuinely feel myself slipping, especially with a year like 2020 hitting all of us hard. I still find some way to recall my therapy sessions, think about the mental exercises I have been able to take away from them and try to consistently apply them when faced with triggers or memories that would otherwise take me to a dark place.
The mind ultimately is an organ of the body, just like any vital part of us, like a brain, a nervous system, an intestine, or a heart. It needs to be taken care of. The fact that it is weak doesn’t make you less of a person. It simply means you need to take care of yourself well enough to get better. Preferably, having a strong support system helps take the load off significantly. I have been fortunate enough to have such a strong support system through the years, even when I wasn’t in therapy.
I am saying all of this so that maybe someone out there who thinks therapy is a confirmation of something being wrong with you as an individual is not a death sentence. It neither is something that will inevitably lead to stigma. In my own little way I want you to know that you are not alone. In those low moments when you think the world might be a better place without you in it, when you feel being away from all of the things you have to confront might be a better option, please remember that you aren’t alone. A lot of us are faced with these moments, the degree might vary but we all have to do all we can to get out of that hole.
Therapy is a way that, if done right can help you see better options and a healthier perspective. It isn’t some room where you will be strapped into a chair and be zapped with electricity. It isn’t being thrown into a building where you will constantly be under constant supervision or highly medicated. Please let us discard those negative stereotypes and come to understand that voluntary therapy entails a more humane approach where conversations are had. Mental exercises are encouraged, and yes, depending on the severity, some medication can be prescribed.
I hope we find the help we need when we decide to seek it.
